Here are five things your wife would like you to know but for a variety of possible reasons, she won’t tell you.
- She feels overwhelmed and likes when you take charge. Between taking care of the children, making dinner, and keeping the home together, not to mention working, she has a lot
on her plate. She wants you to be her partner, not another person to
take care of. That’s why it’s music to her ears when you offer to make
dinner or do bath time, even though you may have worked all day.
Picking up some of the slack provides her tremendous relief and she
sincerely appreciates it. Don’t wait for her to ask. Just do it.
- She has a hard time turning off the “mom reflex.” She
is not always attentive to you because she is preoccupied with the
kids. It is not that she doesn’t care about you or love you, but is
very difficult to stop thinking about them and their needs, even during
adult time. While it is crucial to have alone time with your wife,
understand how challenging it might be for her to refocus her energy on
you and don’t take it as a sign of rejection.
- She loves to be cherished. Even though you may not be
inclined to express yourself emotionally, one way or another you have
to let your wife know you love and cherish her. Tell her through words –
written or spoken, or thoughtful gift or a romantic getaway. It
doesn’t matter how, just make her feel special. Guys may be able to go
without many of these things, but to many women this is her oxygen.
When you cherish her and make her feel important, she feels valued and
appreciated as a wife. When she does not feel cherished, she may feel
resentful or insecure about your relationship.
- She is sensitive to other women and potential competition.
Watch how you talk about other women and praise them, even for things
that seem benign like, “Wow she’s a good mother.” She wants to be the
best in your eyes. The thought of you praising someone else when you
may not praise her enough may make your wife feel that she is not
satisfying your needs. If you have women friends (probably not the best
idea) or female colleagues, tread lightly. If your own marriage is
going through a rough patch, having relationships with other women
(friendships or business – not romantic), especially if you imply you
enjoy their company, can be very painful for your wife.
- She wants to be heard. Hear out her anxieties even if they seem trivial to you. Instead of telling her not to be worried, validate her fears and offer to help her. When she stresses out about next year’s carpool schedule, don’t brush her off. Genuinely listen and volunteer to help. Take practical steps together to relieve the anxiety, it calms her down and makes her feel taken care of.
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